Scalpel!

It's Thursday night, 11:36 p.m. in Cambodia. I've just returned from an evening of excellent food and conversation on the starlit beach of Sihanoukville. Ditching my responsibilites in Phnom Penh, I brazenly boarded a minibus with 4 of my cohorts this afternoon and spent a good 4 hours in transit, all with the sole purpose of irradiating ourselves on the beautiful beaches of Cambodia's southern coast.

But no, that's no all! This morning was a hit too! I held the scalpel in an operation for the first time! After Dr. Leng had completed a plastic surgery on one side of our patient, he said, "Now you do the other side." So I got to remove a deformity from a 14-year-old girl today, from the scalpel to the sutures. It was quite exhilerating. In less radical news, I also intubated one patient today and did an IV line in another... nothing major, but still stuff I get excited about.

This may be along the same theme as the mercy that I was talking about earlier, but I've really felt challenged to respond to everyone I meet in a loving way. I've been thinking a lot about the people who care about me, and how I feel loved because of their attention and concern for my well-being and all that. It's great! Chances are good that you're one of those people if you're reading this. The bad news is, I probably find too much security in you, and not enough in God, one thing I'd really like Him to remedy. Then again, maybe we are ALL created for community and SHOULD be that dependent on each other.

If that's the case, the question becomes am I offering the kind of love to the people I meet that God generously offers me, both directly and through others. And in fact, my standard should be higher, because God has given us infinite love to disperse if we are able to receive it.

Basically, today I was trying to respond to every single person I contacted in a way consistent with the love of God that lives in me. Focusing on that made me realize how far I have to go, but also made me realize that Christ wasn't all about hugs and grins... some people need a good stern "no" while others require a bit of pushing to get moving in the right direction.

We're staying at a guest house here in Sihanoukville and I think I'll head there now. Your comments are always incredibly welcome... I've really gotten a boost from them. It's almost like being around family, except not. Hmm. Anyway. Love you all!

Chilling out

Is not easy to do in Cambodia, but sometimes it's a really good idea. Both physically and metaphorically. Drinking lots of water helps with the first one, just stopping and being thankful for a while really helps with the second.

Last night was pretty intense. I worked at the ER with Dr. Leng who works crazy amounts of hours... he got up and did surgery the next day on little sleep. I slept at the hospital (a different one), but got to see quite a bit of how emergency care works in Cambodia. I use the term works very loosely. There are some excellent physicians here, but the system they work definitely could use improvements.

CSC was slow today, but afterwards I got a chance at a leisurely afternoon on my patio with a good book about a girl growing up in the Khmer Rouge. More on that later.

About 20 loosely connected expatriates went out with us tonight on a dinner boat and it was excellent! The food was really good and it was beautiful seeing the sun set from the river. I love being on the water and it really reminded me of my days working on the Kasilof River... good times.... The stars also came out and it was beautiful just being thankful in God's presense.

I went over to the house of an expatriate tonight and hung out for a little while. I met some Jews and had some interesting conversation. It's like their descended from celebrities. I was sitting there with some one who had the blood of Abraham in them!! But this brings me around the my initial point. I didn't witness to anyone all day. And I was beginning to feel a bit frustrated by that, in addition to the fact that I could have gone to a Bible study tonight.

Then I thought... hey, chill out, God doesn't need you, and He might actually prefer that you ENJOY this evening rather than trying to force a spiritual conversation. So I did. I chilled right out and had a good time meeting new people. I think Jesus would have been downright proud of me. =)

How to Start a Tuesday

87 cents is a cheap price to pay for contentment, but if you put it in the right place, it works. Street food here can be SSOOOOO good and incredibly cheap. And did I mention I got a cold beer with that too? I feel like one of those old guys talking about how they could take a girl out to dinner and a movie for 10 cents (sorry Pop). Anyway.


Today rocked. Flat out. I slept in because yesterday was my birthday, so I didn't get up til like 8am. I started to hustle through my morning routine, then just decided to take it slow and enjoy the morning. So I prayed on my patio a little bit. I leisurely read my Bible until I was satisfied. I even did a few push-ups and pull-ups! As you're sitting there admiring my morning, just think: "this could be me really enjoying my morning." Next step: do it. Leisure in the mornings is why my dad likes getting up early and why I like going to work/school late =).

On a serious note, I don't think anyone who hangs out with God every morning ever has a bad day.


I did some cool stuff today technically, but I'm starting to realize it's the human aspect I'm really in this for. Sitting in an OR all day and occaisionally doing some sutures or an intubation is great and all that, but leaves something out. We lengthened a girl's leg today so she can walk normally again (and I got to close... I'm getting better), but I felt much more satisfaction walking through the recovery room, smiling at old ladies who all smile back and bow respectfully, stopping to put a hand on a patient or to see how a wound is healing up... Dang, it just downright fills your heart. So I think I'll have to do that in my career... not sure how, but I like people. I like the simple interaction of doctor-patient. I like having something to give and some one to receive it, even if it's just a smile. (sorry for the cheese... sometimes melodrama works best)

I also hammered a rod out of some guy's leg today. It was sweet. (there. simplistic redemption.)

Tonight I'm going to be on call with Dr. Leng... he's super nice and very willing to explain things to students. Not sure how late I'll stay, but I'm excited to see a bunch of cases.

Unrelated: yesterday I met a Christian Cambodian kid in dental school while I was picking up Samnang's moto and we had a sweet conversation. I freaking love that kind of stuff.


And now, let me thank ALL of you who are reading this, for caring enough to see what's going on with me. Extra thank you's to all who have taken a few extra minutes to write something back. Your words are incredibly encouraging! It's really hard to feel alone with God on your side, and it's even harder to feel alone when you have people showing you they love you. Heck, I could go to Southeast Asia and still feel loved!

Birthday in Cambodia

This will be short because I'm about to go round out the day by watching a movie here at Dr. Gollogly's house with the other students.

We have a new crew in at CSC including:

Anna, Erin & Scott (yes another one): 3 med students from Toronto
Sebastian: premed from Connecticut

We did a SWEET surgery today involving a bone graft on a guy's femur. Cool cool cool. I got to do quite a few sutures to close, so I was stoked.

I also did my first successful intubation. I was more stoked.

Samnang and I went to an English-teaching school and I taught a bunch of 11-23 year olds some simple English stuff. I think they were way farther than the level I was teaching to. Oh well. I made them sing me Happy Birthday. =)

Then we met the other students for dinner at a place called the FCC... stands for French somethin something... I had STEAK for my birthday and it was great! Although I probably shouldn't have spent the money... how many times do you turn 25?? Now we're watching a movie... Not much excitement today, but God really did show me that serving provides so much more fulfillment than self-indulgence. mmmmmm...

Sabbath

Yesterday was spent mostly recovering from the lack of sleep from Friday night. I slept until about 4pm and spent most of the day watching episodes of "House" (a medical show) with Rory and Carlyle (I stayed at Dr. Gollogly's place) with the rain POURING outside. As I was watching the DVDs, I started wondering about when the last time was that I just wasted an entire day. It had been a while, but I found the process to be very satisfying. I really didn't do anything else but eat and get on the Internet on Saturday. Wow I needed that. God certainly did create the Sabbath for man.

My one regret is that I didn't spend much time with the Lord or in the Word. I think the process would have been complete if I had. It felt like something was missing at the end of the day. Oh well. Live and learn and put it into practice next time.

Today was another day of refreshment and God's guidance. I stayed at Jim's (Dr. Gollogly's) place another night because it never stopped raining and I kind of like sleeping with air con as they call it here. So when I got up, I headed for church only to find it had been canceled for the morning. Fortunately, I'd heard about another church called New Life that started an hour later, so I headed there.

After the usual misdirection and aimless wondering, I arrived at New Life and found exactly what the Lord had been pushing me toward. PASSIONATE Christians, mostly Cambodian with a few white folks mixed in. These people were jumping, shouting, praying, holding hands and just generally having a good time with their Lord.

The pastor was a white guy who had been there since age 17, a good twelve years. The services were conducted in Khmer with an English translator broadcasting to handheld radios with earphones. A live band led worship, with lyrics on projector in both English and Khmer. I sang "How Great is Our God" with 300 Cambodians today. I was prayed over, I comforted a hurting brother and I made several new friends, one of which was an eye doctor from Eastern Washington. The guest speaker was another man from Washington state teaching on us being like Christ and sharing the living water with the world. Absolutely wonderful.

A Cambodian guy came up to me in the middle of the service and shared a verse about God showing compassion for us and us needing to wait on God for His will to be accomplished in our lives. Okay okay okay... I get the point. Things aren't always rosy, we just need to actually trust that God will work things out for the Best. (it sure doesn't hurt to keep hearing that though)

So the rest of the day left me with a full stomach and one moral dilemma which I'd be happy to get some input on. I went to a market and then to Wat Phnom, a Buddhist temple in the middle of town. I went up to the shrine part and everyone was taking off their shoes to go inside. The whole time I was there I was a bit angry that so much work had been dedicated to a false idol. So I didn't take my shoes off, but I also didn't go inside. What is the proper response there??? I did not want to show respect for a religion that lies to people, but I also didn't feel that desecrating their shrine would prove anything good about God. Honestly though, part of me wanted to tear down their false shrines with their little blinking lights and crappy painted faces. But I restrained myself. Any thoughts?? (FYI a Buddhist monk just walked by me in this internet cafe... some of them have cell phones)

Moral dilemma explained, here's how I got the fully belly. Church potluck. Oh yeah, they work over here too. I went to the afternoon service at the International Christian Fellowship and they had a potluck afterwards. I met some cool kids and a woman with a family who is preaching the Gospel with her husband in the outer parts of Phnom Penh where it hasn't reached yet. Nothing else major to report there. Goin' home, got 4 newbies coming into the hospital tomorrow that I'll have to show the ropes and gotta figure out if I'm doing anything for my birthday. Maybe I'll buy myself a moto.

WWJD

Okay, so the most overused acronym in the Christian world is now the headline of my blog. Why? Cause it is worth asking. Here's the scoop.

DISCLAIMER: The contents are for mature audiences only. I thought about not posting this one, but want to have a record of it. Read at your discretion.

So after my last entry, several of us went to Tamarind, a really nice restaurant that served couscous, tangine, shish kebabs and all kinds of good stuff. It was kind of the going-away dinner for Aoife, Viv and Richard (and I counted it as my birthday party too). In addition to that crew, Viv's friend Emma from home was there, Carlyle and Rory (Dr. Gollogly's neice & nephew), Scott and his girlfriend Laura and Hugo (aka "Mr. Hottie") were in attendance. Afterwards, we adjourned to the first Friday of the month Elsewhere party.

The details of the rest of the night aren't quite as important to me as what was going on spiritually. I met a lot of expats at Elsewhere and heard a lot of really great stories about the good things that people are doing in Cambodia to try to help the local population... journalists exposing corruption, economists working to develop a stronger economy, health care workers treating HIV orphans and people in the legal system bringing justice in a corrupt system. But as the evening progressed, and my friends started leaving, I didn't feel the freedom to leave. By about 1:30, I had danced as much as I wanted to and talked to about as many people as I wanted to, but still did not feel like I had accomplished what God had set before me that night. I was frustrated, but thought I'd stay a bit longer and try to seek out what He wanted.

It didn't come. I wandered around looking for people who looked like they needed something, but didn't find anything overt. I talked with my friends, I talked with strangers, but nothing seemed to be clicking. Rory and I had been hanging out some that night, so I thought I'd stick with him and Carlyle when everyone else took off. After another hour or so, they were wanting to change venues and I had a strong sense from the Lord that I should go along.

3a.m. found me at Heart of Darkness, and the name is as descriptive as it sounds. You could feel the corruption of the place dripping from the walls. Apparently it's a legendary Cambodian night club that Rory & Carlyle said I had to experience at least once. We were there with two black guys named Roy and Sib. Sib works for the UN Khmer Rouge tribunal and has some sweet dreadlocks... he looked Jamaican to me, but he's English.

I found that I could dance worshipfully for the Lord in the middle of the Heart of Darkness. I was celebrating after all. I had just found out about passing Microbiology and was still incredibly thankful for His goodness and willingness to listen to my requests. So I danced for him. Rory warned me to avoid the Khmer girls on the dance floor, because the chances are good that they are either prostitutes or the girlfriend of a rich kid with a body guard, so I danced alone =).

I found myself praying over that place and could almost feel the opposition. One of the most powerful scenes I witnessed that pushed me to prayer was two lesbians kissing on the dance floor. They looked so lost and literally like they were trying to suck the life out of each other. I felt compassion for them because their whole countenance when apart was rife with obvious unhappiness and an attempt to cling to something, anything in this life. How would Jesus have shown them His love? I'm not sure, and hope to receive the wisdom from the Lord in the future to reach out in situations like that. Throughout the night though, I felt the presense of the Lord with me, protecting me in the midst of darkness.

4:30am found the Heart of Darkness closing and my friends ready to move again. Our next venue was a house party at the penthouse of a girl I'd met that night who was a journalist. When I walked in the door, people were doing lines of cocaine, something I'd never actually seen before. Strangely enough, I still felt that I was walking in God's will. It was a pretty laid-back scene and I soon drifted into conversation.

And discovered the purpose for my late night/early morning outing. One of the guys there found that I was a Christian and started asking me why I was at the party. What followed was an hour-long conversation about the true teachings of Christ, His lifestyle and the things that He valued. He had challenging questions for me, but the Lord gave me the wisdom to answer them all with clarity and insight. I could tell that he was touched and he began to share some of the dark secrets of his life and how he was really seeking life at the moment. Despite being filled with alcohol and cocaine, he received all the truth that I could share with him and assured me later that he would retain what I'd shared despite the drugs.

I have confidence that the Lord protected me in the midst of darkness throughout last night so that I could share His truth with a soul He is pursuing. I'm not even sure if I should be sharing this for fear that it could cause some one to stumble because going into the midst of darkness is a dangerous undertaking for anyone, myself included.

I do not know what the fruit of last night/this morning will be, but I'm beginning to understand that Christ came to seek and save what was lost... and that oftentimes, it is those people who are most receptive to Him.

A Reckoning

So much to write about. So little time.

I just took my first hot shower in Cambodia and it was fantastic. I'm sitting in Dr. Gollogly's house (he started the hospital here) praising God for his goodness and faithfulness. I can't really put this into words, but I'll try. The feeling of a hot shower pales in comparison to experiencing the blessing of God!

So most of you probably don't know that I failed Microbiology in this year, my first year of medical school. The last final I took. Most people would explain it as burn-out or poor academic performance. Rebellion is what it was. I decided the last week of school that God was not a necessary part of daily life for the moment and I would do just fine running things how I wanted them. Big mistake.

He gave me several chances at repentance and sustained me through them, but I didn't seem to listen. So on Friday, I failed a common final, and a course in medical school. Later that day, I got sick. And our house ran out of toilet paper (you can imagine what kind of sickness it may have been - and yes, it was of microbiological origin, probably one of the bugs I should have learned about). So late that night, I went into Eric's room and confessed my sinfulness to a brother. He listened and prayed over me and there was healing that took place (confess your sins to one another and you will be healed).

But I'd still failed a test. Skip forward to Cambodia. From the time I got here, I knew I would have a retake exam looming over the rest of my summer. It was scheduled for the day after I get back from Ecuador. So I started praying that the Lord would lift the burden from me. I kept getting threatening emails about my need to perform well, but I kept praying.

This evening, I checked my mail and saw an email from my professor. As I went to open it, an incredible feeling of elation came over me with absolutely no doubt as to what the news would be. I passed. They struck 3 questions, bringing my score up to a 70.2. This is not a story of luck, or my ineptitude at microbiology, but of my absolute, 100% dependence on God for every good thing, whether in life or in school. PRAISE HIM!!!!!! I PASSED AND DON'T HAVE TO STUDY ALL SUMMER!!!!! WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!! (so I'm a bit excited)

I WAS planning on writing about how I've been using some of the money the 18-30 group sent me with (they took up a collection for me at Changepoint before I left). They gave me about $140 just on a whim and I'm doing my best to spend it wisely.

So my moto driver last night couldn't use his legs. He has a special bike with two wheels in the back. On our long night ride, he told me his story. He'd had polio and is in a program for disabled Cambodians studying Instrument Technology. He drives his moto when he's not studying to help support his pregnant wife and child who live in the provences. He doesn't have much, but he recognizes Jesus as Lord and asks Him for help. Usually a moto ride home would cost me about $1.25. Everything in me wanted to help this guy, so I dropped a 20 from the Changepoint money. That will pay for prenatal care for his wife & new baby and possibly allow him to go visit them more often. In a world where so many people are trying to scam you, it's really nice to run into some one who deserves your charity.

Another five was spent today on a boy named Dah who sells books from a shopping basket in the Russian Market. I saw him a few days ago and we hit it off. I ran into him again today and decided to give in to his request to buy him a soccer ball so he could play soccer at school with his friends (none of them have a ball). He thanked me quite profusely, and then his older brother thanked me and asked Dah if he could borrow the ball sometimes. They seemed like a great family.

$25 and such a great impact. I won't get to watch my moto driver and his wife go to the hospital together. I won't see the Cambodian kids playing with Dah's ball. But just knowing their joy at receiving is pretty darn satisfying.

We cut surgery short this morning and took a trip to a facility where they are educating and training poor children for the workforce. The food at the restaurant there was absolutely wonderful (some are training to cook). Our meal price went to support the work there. Afterwords we toured the Phnom Penh dump. That's right, where all the garbage is. It's just around the corner from the facility because most of the poor children they traing would end up scrounging at the dump otherwise. I've put up some new photos.

Cambodia pictures, round 2 - click to see them

Aoife, Viv and Richard leave tomorrow, so tonight we'll be out on the town at a place called "Elsewhere." Apparently lots of expats go there on the first Friday of every month to do stupid things. Perfect place for a farewell and a happy birthday to me! I'll miss them, but there are 4 new students coming in on Sunday. Oops. I should have been praying for them. Oh well. Here goes another night!