Physicianhood...ish. Part 2...ish

Every time I propose a brilliant theory for how life works, it gets tragically shot down... usually by me and before anyone else gets a chance. By the wonder of technology, I can now project a hint of what goes on internally to my friends or whoever searches for "Ross Baldwin" on Google. Try it. Top ten baby. Those other Ross Baldwins are going down.

I ran into a mental middle linebacker at the end of my last post. After establishing the core of who I am and my driving forces, I had a hard time coming up with anything intelligent to add. And because I can squeeze meaning out of anything, I figured out what that means. Here's my next attempt at explaining what should be better left to sociologists.

I detest and suck at (ATTENTION: Please leave a comment with a better word that can be used actively here, I'm failing to think of one and feel that it would be a valuable addition to my regular vocabulary) forecasting, and currently, I equate not forecasting with trusting God. I have a difficult time imagining what struggles I will face as a physician in the future. It's hard for me to worry about things, not because there aren't valid concerns, but because I sincerely have a hard time conceiving of unfavorable circumstances. Huh.

I don't know how to go about changing that, and I'm not entirely convinced that I should, except when it inconveniences others. Here's what I can, and daily attempt to, do:

I can shape who I am right now by the ideals insisted upon by my core values. That's what I do instinctively and it is where God meets me. If I say I want to be a physician who loves kindness, I need to love kindness. Here's a thought: I should treat my practice patients the way I want to eventually treat my actual patients. I should take off a weekend and go climbing every once in a while, but more often, I should give until there's nothing left, then give some more. I should do things not for the pleasure they bring me, but for the glory they bring God. I should wake up each day with the knowledge that love starts over at midnight, and it's a brand new day to show God and the people around me how much I love them. And always pressing on, to run in such a way that I will attain the prize, and never looking back.

And if something is going on that's not quite right, I should change it.

I heard an OUTSTANDING word this week (and actually, every week since I started going to Bethany and I'm not saying that lightly). Over the past month, the guy has systematically described what has happened to me over the last year up to where I am now and then rendered a God-centered view of how it has shaped me into a more faithful, humble and loving human. This week, I heard that no trend can replace Christ. Not the power of the Spirit, not social justice, not rocking worship music. It all comes back to Christ and if it doesn't, it starts feeling really hollow really fast. I identified with his bad examples in way too many ways. On the plus side, I heard how God continually peels back layers of defense and callousness to make us more valuable tools in His hands, and if we respond in faith to this painful process, we grow immensely...

"If you keep yourself pure, you will be a tool God can use for His purpose."

cool

A Reflection on "Physicianhood" - Part 1

So this is actually an assignment that we are completing in the South Campus Center as a small group. We just sat through a couple hours of lecture on "Physicianhood," which is basically all the gushy, emotional stuff attached to taking care of yourself and achieving "balance" as a physician. There were a lot of ideals put forward from the agnostic science-driven perspective about everyone's needs for love and approval and all that, and now I'm reflecting on what that means to me personally. Okay, end intro, here goes.

Christ is central to my life. Not central in the sense that I'm a Jesus superfan that goes to all His games and buys all his T-shirts and always bets on Him in the World Championships or whatever. Rather, He is central in the sense that my life is contingent upon His and that there is a flow that begins in Him that sustains and emboldens me. All of my philosophy, my "core values," and motivations derive directly from my understanding and knowledge of Him. This is not a convenient extract of a philosophy that I base on personal needs, but rather a realty that defines and reshapes my identity as I come to experience it more deeply.

So what do I do with all that? I'm more asking myself that than posing a brilliant rhetorical question. It means that my ideals as a physician, the standards to which I aspire, are not rooted in the values held by the medical community at large, nor even in my own personal beliefs and desires, but rather my ideals flourish where the Word has been revealed to the world. This is all very high-sounding talk simply to say that what God through Christ wants is what I want, even when I don't (temporarily) want it.

Some questions from the reflections paper we got:

What are your core personal values?

Rather than thinking about what pleases and motivates me most, I can respond with simplicity:

• Love.

More specifically:

• Seeking justice in the world I find myself in
• Delighting myself in kindness
• Recognizing my true strength and my true weakness in light of the glory of God.

I have not yet attained realization of those core values in my daily life, but to them I aspire and I persist.

After establishing such a base, my picture of physicianhood paints itself.

Physicianhood means committing everything I am and have to God and to the principles set forward by Him and learning how to share the light that I have with those around me, being Christ to a broken world.

Outro

I plan to finish up this writing assignment over the next few weeks to months, and I'll plan to post it up here as it takes shape.