The Clean-up Hitter

Love. It's about love.

There's a series of videos called NOOMA with a guy named Rob Bell talking about all kinds of weird stuff. In one, he poses the following questions:

We'll tell somebody we love them and in the same breath, we'll talk about how much we love a new car, or a certain pair of pants. I mean, I love my wife, and I also love... tacos?

Do you think the word love loses its meaning when we use it for so many things?

Does it affect our understanding of what real love is?

I was talking about the ideas in the blog below (judging and stuff) with a friend and the subject of love weaseled its way into the conversation. You know, the usual stuff like, "What is love? How is it perceived? How do we describe it?" It then hit me like a speeding semi-truck: We (as a society) get so worked up about "judging" because we have redefined love as something conditional.

Western Love When I talk about loving almost anything, I'm talking about how it makes me feel. I love skiing because of the sweet sensation I get in a (mostly) controlled fall. I love fajitas because they set off a brilliant array of delectable explosions in my mouth. I love mountains because of the soaring feeling I get standing on top of one and the sheer awe that surrounds me when I see them rise up to meet the sky.

If all those things lost their sweetness, my love for them would vanish. And so it is that we have defined our love for each other. Words have power and the associations we form with them have power as well. When I say "I love you" to a friend or relative, I could essentially replace that sentiment with "You bring me joy/happiness/entertainment." Still complimentary, but less so. There is no word that means I love you unconditionally because of who you are, not because of the choices you make or what you do for me. Some would argue that our choices define us, but that assumes that we have no deeper identity which lends us greater worth.

Do You Love Me? If loving some one is simply an effect of how they make us feel, then it is easy to see why it could be so upsetting to lose some one's approval. If some one stops pleasing me, I stop loving them. Me not liking your shoes because they're not hipster enough isn't a huge deal. Me not "loving" you anymore because your look clashes could cause some significant emotional pain.

Back to the Basics Back when love was invented, it wasn't based on a "give-and-take" system. It was more of a "give" system. A reputable source claims that the greatest display of love is to give up your life for another. Hardly a pleasurable activity. That kind of love doesn't say "You please me," but rather, "Your worth to me is immeasurable, infinite." It is that kind of love that is unconditional, seeking the betterment of the other and not the pleasing of self.

There is no word in our language to express unconditional love which is rooted in loving some one because of their innate value. In fact, many times we don't assign value based on the right stuff. Everyone reflects the image of God. We all have a chunk of perfection that we can uniquely illuminate to the world. We are all sons and daughters of the King. THAT'S worth loving. And if we start loving people because of the worth of their deepest identity, I have a feeling they wouldn't feel quite so rejected when we tell them their shoes are ugly. They might even smile. 'Cause they know they have our love, regardless.