Meeting amongst friends

He described the first sensation as a warm buzz that he immediately wanted to experience again. He did experience that buzz, many times over and many times stronger over the years to come, but that one experiment, that 11-year-old curiosity, that open bottle of wine was the spark that ignited a blaze of alcoholism culminating in a 25-year-old high school graduate dragging himself, drunk as a skunk, into his first AA meeting.

My first AA meeting was a class requirement. I went to observe what it's like to admit you're totally out of control and cannot change yourself. Actually, it's a lot like me. Actually, it's a lot like you.

It's smiling faces,
It's raucous laughter,
It's taking a big bite of chocolate cupcake and almost snorting frosting up your nose at a buddy's joke.
Sitting tiredly waiting for the one to finish,
Secretly wondering if, when your time comes, you'll spill the beans
The whole can of beans
Not just the top that looks nice and tasty,
The dark bottom where the squished beans reside,
Where it's cold and agglutinated.

But smiling face after smiling face
Urges you on,
You sip some ground-filled coffee and remember all the times you spilled the beans
And the relief and the joy
And the freedom
It's curtains for your fears
As the words pour out
Acceptance, pure acceptance

They don't even break stride when you tell them you did coke
Are they paying attention?
Sure, they've just heard it all
They walk on the razor edges
Another round
With cream and sugar to boot

This is real
Real, shaky, life
With all its uncertainties exposed, no one is a stranger
Drifting in, drifting out
Week after week
Month after month
Decade after decade
It's like finding an old restaurant with a crabby waitress. The food's not great. The coffee always tastes burnt. And don't get started on the smell. The table wobbles, but you keep coming back. Even though the table wobbles, you keep coming back.

It must be something in the coffee. Or maybe the cup. But probably the hand the pours it for you. It's 'cause that hand's attached to some one who understands you. 'Cause, really, they're a lot like you. A lot like me.