Thursday, March 6, 2008

No one is into all kinds of music

But everyone says they are. Is it an unwillingness to admit our own personal preferences that drives this phenomenon? Perhaps just social laziness? When I ask some one what kind of music they like, and they say, "I'm into all kinds of stuff," I immediately judge them as being noncommittal. I don't want to, it just happens.

There's a lot of talk these days about judging and not judging people. It's the social equivalent of painting yourself with honey and going bear-slapping to bust out a particularly judgmental phrase. And no, I'm not going to give examples. And here it comes, the elephant in the room...

Everyone judges. But that doesn't mean they hate you.

Having opinions and expressing yourself in various ways is intrinsically a form of judgment. By making one choice over another, you're evaluating that option as more valuable, thus naturally demonstrating your preferences. I'm about to order a mocha, NOT a latte, because a mocha is a better choice for me right now. When Ted just ordered his iced mocha, I judged that choice. I actually thought, "Wow, that looks really good, I wish I was more like Ted right now."

Now if he'd made what I would consider a bad choice, like ordering a cappuccino, I would have thought, "Dang, that looks like drinking bitter foam." And been quite content with my own choices.

Neither one of those hypotheticals would diminish the friendship or respect that I have for him, and this is the point I'm trying to make. It's okay to disagree with, or even disapprove of the choices other people make. It's okay to express that. It's honesty. I think what people are really adamantly opposed to are the judgments that say, "Because you made this choice, you're a terrible person." Yeah, not cool.

So here's my goal, to keep our preferences apart from our acceptance of people, but on the same token, not insult each other by pretending we don't actually have any preferences.

I almost didn't post this because it's kind of abrasive, but it's a topic that seems important to me, so feel free to call me out if I'm in left field on this one.

4 comments:

TCW said...

I totally like all kinds of music! ALL kinds! Except country, people who like country are terrible.....oh, and opera is lame too..but other than that it's all good.

Daniel said...

Wow, there are so many kinds of bad music out there. Preach it!

Prosso said...

I came here via PVX. This is great stuff.

Teja said...

It'd be harder to name everything I like, versus everything I don't like... country music for example (I'm with you Teddy)...or heavy metal...or hip hop that's all swearing and woman bashing...I'm into all kinds of music...except... (taking a page from Goldstein)