Sunday, April 6, 2008

Fleeing from the Mounties!

This weekend saw your hero (in case you forgot, that's me... at least on this blog) face-to-face with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. As they brutally interrogated him, he responded coolly, without hesitation and with great confidence in his voice.

Evil Max the Border Guard: "Why are you coming to Canada?"
Ross the Avenger: "To liberate a damsel in distress!"
Evil Max the Border Guard: "How much currency are you transporting?"
Ross the Avenger: "Enough to free said damsel, 85 hundred U.S.! Now, HAVE AT YE!!!"

Your protagonist then proceeded to slay the villain with a swift ninja-kick to the trachea, delivering him into the next life with a painless farewell and a stunned expression on his face.
As the dust settled, the hero hearkened back (heroes hearken frequently) to earlier in the day, when he held up a bank...

Savage Scott the Bank Teller of Bellingham: "You need this much cash... why??"
Masked Man: "My reasons are my own, but know that you will be serving a most noble purpose!"
Savage Scott the Bank Teller of Bellingham: "Uh... we usually don't just hand out cash. Do you have an account here?"
Masked Man: "I have not the time for your pithy responses. Your lack of chivalry overwhelms me. You leave me no choice."

As you have distilled by now, the Masked Man in question was indeed our would-be rescuer forced into the realm of crookery by the sheer magnitude of his quest and the exorbitant costs of medical education. Minutes after the above exchange, the smoke began to dissipate, leaving only a few scattered bills softly drifting to the ground still and a smattering of bank clerks hog-tied and gagged with various currencies, deposit slips and advertisements for loans that would make the whole family happy.

As our famed avenger un-hearkened, he thought to himself, "I have no time for daydreaming. My fate awaits me miles ahead."

The storyteller would be remiss to neglect an important character in this tale. You may be wondering... how could one man dispense with multiple bank tellers in the brief span of a giant smoke bomb? Indeed, he was not alone, and as our hero sequentially incapacitated each unsuspecting worker, Daring Dave the Diligent was busy entangling them in his devious webs and stuffing paper in their mouths. And if not for the brilliant distractions of Daring Dave, Evil Max may well have seen coming the ninja kick from Ross the Avenger in time to avert his trachea.

As Daring Dave and Ross the Avenger sped down the highway, leaving a wake of destruction and children holding flowers behind them, they gazed ahead with grim expressions, knowing the Mounties would be hot on their tail.

To be continued...

3 comments:

Bidesi said...

Ross, I'm just gonna say-- you're the bestest! Can't wait to hear the rest!

~lady j said...

k, i'm officially coveting your weekend. :) not that mine wasn't fabulous...
but please finish the story!

Becki said...

you forgot to tell us the damsel's name...since when do med students have time to day dream, much less tell the world about them.
And may I suggest much more unexpected then your famous ninja kicks would be the sudden onset of highly technical medical jargon that would leave their heads spinning.