Battling the Giant

We left our heroes with their sights on the horizon, speeding off into the great unknown, enemies in hot pursuit. However, thanks to the speediness of their trusty steed and the skillful driving of Dashing Dave, they arrived at their destination without a challenge. Little did they know that the monster awaiting them sufficed to set even the boldest adventurer aquiver.

As they pulled into the small town of Chilliwack, everything seemed peaceful and quiet on the surface. Coming to a halt at a neighborhood curbside, they could scarce believe their eyes as they spied the object of their affections seated pleasantly across the street. Emerging from their transport, they started toward their coveted prize with eagerness, only to be met by a rumbling, "WHO GOES THERE??"

Chivalross: "Tis I, Chivalross, here to sweep fair maiden off her feet and return her to the pedestal that she belongs upon."
Jeff the Giant: "Jeff see... well... you come at good time. She many beautifuls and run like deer. You speak her. You give Jeff monies."
Chivalross: "This seems easy... a little tooooo easy. I was expecting a fight. What do you have up your sleeve?"
Jeff the Giant: "One arm. Each side. What you mean?"
Chivalross: "Never you mind. But know this, giant, I'll be keeping my eyes on you."

The excitement built as Chivalross approached the maiden. Yet as she turned around, he was overcome by horror!! This was not the ravishing beauty praised by the muses in song, but a hideous, rusty, old witch!! Her flesh was tainted, scoured and giving way to bone and hollow recesses the sight of which chilled our hero to the bone. Unlikely as it may seem, our hero and Dashing Dave had let their guards down at the shock of the sight before them just long enough for Jeff the Giant to sneak up behind them. They were whisked off their feet, hanging from their collars in the hands of the giant before they even had a chance to bust out some reflex break-dance fighting moves. "Now we all go nice walk. You like girl. You give money Jeff."

Admittedly, the witch had a soothing voice and kept pleasant enough company, but the enchantment she had cast over the giant was a constant reminder of her true treachery. Given no other alternatives, Chivalross made conversation, enough to learn that the witch had spent much of her time in the corrosive Saltlands of Vancouver. But even as he pretended conversation, he was plotting their escape and thinking to himself, "It's a good thing we keep changing our names, or these bad guys might track us down!!"

Without loosening the strength of his grip one newton, Jeff the Giant demanded his bounty of 9,000 pieces of eight... err... dollars. And that's when Chivalross sprung into action. Blinding Jeff with an outrageously small offering of cash, he stunned the giant, rendering him speechless and causing him to swoon in delirium. As the witch sat patiently in the driveway, waiting for her minion to carry out her dirty work, Dashing Dave and Chivalross dashed across the road, into their waiting autocarriage... really great pirate landship... Batmobile... toyota pickup... And picking up speed, they blazed away from Chilliwack, never looking back.

(...except for the stop they made at this really good pub. Chivalross would recommend the buffalo chicken wrap with delicious steak fries. Canadians sure know how to do fries.)

And so they set off again, with their eyes to the road and discouragement at their backs with only the promise of a brighter this-afternoon to beckon them on...

To be continued...