Renewal & Confession

Wow, I have about a million things to write about, but such poor recollection. =)

One really cool thing happened last night when I went to pay for using the Internet. I noticed that lady up front reading the Bible and asked her what she was reading. The conversation progressed and I found that she and her husband are yet another example of Christians who genuinely love God and don´t let denominational boundaries interfere. I don´t know how to explain it, but I had a really great kinship with them. I had noticed that there was Christian music there earlier and asked about it, only to have a copy of the CD handed to me. So now my drive to Washington can be complimented by praises to God... in Spanish.

I woke up early and met Becki to get her shipped off to the right city. Then I went back to sleep until my body decided it was done. Ahh glorious day!! When I could sleep no more, I mosied on for breakfast and some sweet time in the word. I´m going to miss the coffee & milk, the bread and the fresh fruit for breakfast when I leave.

I spent some quality time on the Internet this morning, writing overdue emails and taking care of business for school. It turns out that if I didn´t accept my financial aid today, I would have some problems to deal with later. Yay!

Most of today I spent hiking in the mountains/pueblos outside of Baños. I met some great people including a lady with 8 kids and a sweet mountainside farm. I helped her with some sticks for firewood and she gave me a lemon off of her tree. Delish.

I had time to do a lot of thinking and praying and generally hanging out with God. It made me realize how weak and dependent I am. I think I can fool myself into thinking I´ve got things figured out, but coming face to face with the Holy One reminds me of how UN-holy I am. So in the spirit of dismissing any myths of my status as a super-Christian:

• I am prideful and think I can do it on my own, even after severe humiliation and humbling, I am not broken enough.
• I fight a constant battle with lust. Sometimes I let God win, and sometimes I rebel. This is especially difficult when I haven´t been walking closely with the Lord. When I am close to Him, most of my problems generally dissipate.
• I am judgmental and entertain thoughts of other people not living up to what they could. I am sorry and wish for this to be gone from my life for good. It hurts people and separates me from God.
• I care too much about impressing people and not enough about impressing God. This applies to doing cool things and to being spiritual.
• I am not disciplined and use the excuse that I have freedom in Christ. That is a terrible excuse.

Please don´t excuse these dark places in my life. I want them exposed to the light so that I can be healed, not dismissed because others fight the same battles. I need forgiveness from those I have wronged and I realized today that forgiveness comes with a price. Forgiveness comes with the shedding of blood, metaphorical and literal.

Forgive me.

Now all Glory to God who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever hope or imagine. May His name be lifted up because of His faithfulness to show mercy and love to those who deserve neither.