When the Rubber Meets the Road

I did something tonight I don't usually do. I walked. Not just a quick jaunt to a nearby restaurant, but nearly an hour's worth of Chaco's and pavement. I was driven to solitude by the immensity of Jesus Christ in this world.

It's been a whirlwind of a day. I assisted on some cool orthopedic surgery this morning and got to turn wrenches on this crazy device for compressing bones in a leg fracture, it felt kind of like being an auto mechanic. This afternoon I literally sliced open a guy's face to drain an infection, and while you're in the throes of being grossed out, let me say it was SWEET.

But all that aside. This will feel totally artificial if I don't just bare everything, so here goes.

I stayed at Dr. Gollogly's house last night because I didn't feel like coming back to where I'm staying late. I woke up at 8 with a vivid recollection of the dream I'd just had about a girl I really miss (it was an innocent dream, give me a break =). It was a rough thing to wake up to and it took me a while to get my head focused to start the day. After surgery I decided to walk back to my place; it just seemed like the right thing to do. [When I got there, one of the little kids that lives there came running up to me so I'd pick him up, that's a great feeling.]

I started reading a book she recommended to me, which was a stretch for me considering how the day started. Again, it seemd like the right thing to do. I was rocked and absorbed. I don't even know how to express this in coherent thought, so I'm resorting to bullet points.

• My vision has been skewed and I had forgotten that God really is doing new things in the world with this generation. I remember knowing that last summer, but I haven't *known* that in a while... until today.
• I don't want to be a surgeon. I want to be a doctor that is a direct part of the community and talks with people and gets to know them, and cares for them when they are sick. [warning: impulsive] Let me expand on this: The way to transformation is through love. I want to become a part of a community, show them what love looks like and allow that love to permeate that community. This means giving wildly of myself until it becomes contagious. Is this a pipe dream? I don't think so, but who knows where God will lead.
• I hope normal people don't think/obsess like I do, because I think this world would be crazy. I think about things I am passionate about, including food, God, girls, sweet motorcycles that I will never own and crazy ideas for how I will live my life as a sold-out follower of Christ.
• I would be satisfied in this life if God was my only refuge.
• After I finish writing this, I'm going to go find someone poor and hand them 50 bucks from the Changepoint money. I want to know what it feels like to give someone money for no other reason than they don't have any. Maybe I'll work up to giving away my own money. Heck, I'm happy to do that for people I know and love... why not people I don't know and love anyway?
• It had been resolved in my head that rich Christians should try to appeal to rich non-believers in their circle of influence by remaining in a rich community. What if the rich Christians joined the poor and invited non-believers into THAT community?
• Bad news: I think about things much more seriously than I do them. Good news: I am growing into the image of God.
• Yikes, I'm all stirred up again.

I appologize for the sporadic nature of this post. I'm feeling very impulsive and charged up right now and wanted to get some of these thoughts written down. There was a lot more going through my head that just didn't survive the hour-long walk to the internet cafe. But this I am confident of: God is preparing me for great adventures in this life and the next. His way will be the best.